Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking it. – Naomi Wolf
I often get this visual of myself, kneeling on the ground, screaming without sound, hair flowing (the dramatics, I know), and of course, it's a beautiful place.
The place is not that important.
Why, why, do I keep getting it.
I am stuck, and I know it.
There is something missing in my writing - and in my life, and I know what it is. I just can't quite dig deep enough to get HER out. At least, not on paper. As if, I am waiting for the right moment.
Or the right courage.
I need her to come out.
Then it hits me, I am so SICK of being "GOOD"! Pretty recipes and inspiring quotes are easy compared to the real work of becoming yourself. It's a deep longing, and it's not just about me.
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in"
Not to say that I am not grateful and appreciate what is present in my life.
I'm just inviting the real me to show up.
The real me has a big hunger. While I am better at feeding the inner hunger with less
self-destructive and seemly irresponsible ways, there is always a part seeking.
Possibly, longing to be "bad"?!!
And not in the I'll have a little dairy and gluten in my cookie kind of way. But how can I suck every ounce out of life kind of way. In some ways, I envy those who are content. Or are they truly?
I accept, surrender, and have faith that what is meant to show up in my life will. I do. But, I know there is so much more to me.
And there is much more to you.
Of course, what's holding me back is...me.
She is coming.
I know it.
You will love her.