Rose-Colored Glasses

Here is the world.  
Beautiful and terrible things will happen.  
Don't be afraid.  | Frederick Buechner

Photo: Shutterfly

I once worked with a woman named Joan.  I was 25 and she was in her
 early 50s.  In dealing with my turbulent teenage years and early 20s, I thought I knew about true heartache. 

 But I didn't.  

Joan had a stage 3 ovarian cancer and was treated with chemotherapy during day, and then she would come to work at night as a nurse.  Although I enjoyed our conversations and listened to stories about her beautiful adopted daughter from China, she was quite snarky at times.  And understandably so.  She was fighting for her life.

 When she said to me, "You only see things with rose-colored glasses," she didn't mean it as a compliment.  And I knew that.  These words have stayed with me all these years later.    

I didn't feel like explaining to her what I had witnessed as child, what my home life truly entailed, and what bad decisions I had made to hurt myself.  She was ill and I wasn't going to burden her with my stories.  

BUT, she was right.

And for 10 years, I lived in my eternally optimistic world.  Despite my mom's initial bout with cancer, she was in remission.  In this time, I had three beautiful babies.  I nursed them, made their food, and cared for them above all.  They, of course, consumed me.  I was in love.  My daily irritations were trivial.  My world was small.  

  A rose colored world is one of love, joy, and abundance.  A place we'd all like to reside in always.  And a place I believe we can.  There is always a silver lining in most things.  The opposing view is permeated with fear, scarcity, and self-imposed suffering.   

As Anaïs Nin said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." 

But what if our rose-colored glasses aren't always healthy?  For me, at times, I've known them to be my protection - a kind-of imperfect resilience.   A way of not dealing with the reality in front of me.  As my therapist says, "I dwell in positivity…always."  It's my natural way of being.  But I've used my rosy lens in dealing with my bumpy marriage, my ailing mother, and many other trials.  

I've put on hold things I can't deal with at the time being.   Hoping they would go away.   I've justified the inexcusable.  I've tolerated the offensive.  I've put other's needs at the expense of my own.  And even worse, I looked for my worth in the opinions of others.  

But I would say I see things more clearly now than I ever have.          

So ask yourself what have you avoided ?  And maybe…

• What needs your attention?
• What could you surrender?
• What is no longer serving you?
• Is anything clouding your perception?
• What needs to be destroyed? 
• What can be re-built? 
• Do you have blind spots in your life?
• What will help you this clearly?  
• And whom will stand by your side?

Life can be messy.  Emotions complicated.  To live a full and healthy life, we have to find the joy and resilence within us and around us.   But we must also welcome the places where we are blinded.  For if we don't acknowledge and address the struggles we have, we can't heal them.  I can't live on the surface of life.  And I doubt you can.    

I leave you with a quote from a book I am reading, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd,  
"Descent is not about finding light but about going into the 
darkness and befriending it. 
If we remain there long enough, it takes on its own luminosity. 
It will reveal everything to us."

The winter is a perfect time to gather your resources and go within.  
May you be shown the light.  
And glow with true and healthy radiance.  
As you are revealed what you need to know.  
Shine, beautiful ones.