"For it is only framed in space that beauty blooms. A candle flowers in the
space of the night…My life lacks this quality of significance, and therefore
beauty, because there is so little empty space. There are so few pages in my
engagement pad or empty hours in which to stand alone and find myself."
Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea
A few weeks back I said to my best friend, I deperately want to infuse some Sacredness into my Sundays. My thoughts were something like "sure,
I'll get my training (triathlon) done, but after that, I want to lounge, and to read, and to just be". It has occured to me in the
last couple of years it has been such a struggle to "just be." I've examined this withinmyself, with my friends, with my husband, and in therapy. But what is even more telling is, that strangers pick up on my energy. Always in a rush from place to place, appointment to appointment, and to all the things to attend to in my house, that I am hardly ever truly all there. I truly WANT to move with GRACE and ease.
In my life, the number THREE has taken on a special meaning. For one thing, I've had three children. And when I was a nurse, there would be a pattern of 3 unusual (and often crazy) happenings clustered together. It has been said that energetically the number 3 symbolizes growth. So this past week, when I got three messages to "stop, slow down, breathe" it was time to pay attention. First, my fragile marriage was once again tested, then my dear chiropractor posted a FB message (Everybody---STOP what you're DOing!! Just BE. Sending out a Titanic hug to everyone that sees this
post for no other reason than just BEcause Happy Friday!) just as I was scrambling around and on the verge of cracking, and finally, my calf cramped up so bad that I may not be able to run today. So all week this "doing versus being" has been on my brain, and the (many) effects it's had on my life. What is even more annoying to me is that, I was not living my message of a soul-centered life.
Much of what I envision my work to be is guiding women to nourish themselves and getting in tune with that inner wisdom, but I wasn't nourishing myself nor connecting with myself. I should point out that so often we run around because we have no choice
(Our kid has a play we need/want to be there), but what I am talking about are those times we run around and we are not really sure why. Putting more and more on an already full plate. A few years back, I would have said yes to every invite I had gotten, since I mistakenly believed that being busy made me "worthy…or productive." Or having something to prove. To whom, I don't know. But on another level, I am also a YES kind of person.
I want to do everything! To live to the the depth and width of life. But now, when I am asked, I really have to pause and think, is this in alignment with my soul?! Because so often, I know as women, we say yes to everything and then end up canceling, as we have overestimated our time and our desire.
So this morning instead of heading right out to do my 90 minute run/40 minute bike,coming back to clean, do laundry, grocery shop, work on my courses, bring the kids place
to place, learn more about developing my website, etc, etc~I sat here, and re-read Gift from the Sea.
To me, this was a big accomplishment. I wondered how this little gem had escaped my Perfect Pages (a post I wrote a few weeks back). It is amazing to me that this book is over 50 years old, and it's messages for women (and men) are still valid and true today.
guess this wise and beautiful book needed it's own space. If you haven't read, it is a must. It can be read in less than 2 hours. I've probably read it 10 times. It's one of those I like to read once a year. But here's the most important thing, if I am to help other women, I have to know that I myself am a work in progress. We are all works in progress, and although I don't always nuture myself the way I need, I am embracing myself more
compassionately. And, reassuring myself, that there is no rush. There is no ARRIVAL. Everything happens at the perfect time. We are all moving into GRACE.
In a conversation between David Whyte (one of my favorite poets) and Brother David Steindel-Rast, he says…